Hello! I am SavvyFinancialLatina! I write about learning how to manage career, life, and money in a savvy way. I am 21 and about to graduate with my Master’s in Supply Chain Management. I recently started writing about my personal experiences and have quickly fallen in love with the personal finance world. Bridget has given me the great opportunity and honor to write a guest post this week.
I got married this past August with the love of my life. He is a college senior, and I am about to finish my Master’s in May. We are the same age by the way! :) We have been living on a very student budget this year. Our inflow of cash consists of his paycheck ($1,000 per month) and my scholarship stipend. In addition, we have some money saved up for those perky emergencies like the $615 we had to pay for car maintenance early this month. I manage the budget, and try to stretch our dollars as far as possible. Now, this doesn’t mean we don’t eat out or splurge here and there, but it’s definitely not as frequent as we’d like! We know that as soon as we graduate and get jobs we will have a little bit more money coming in. I am so looking forward to that by the way!
Now, we live close to his family who is only about 35 minutes away, so we see them more often. But, my parents and little brother live farther away (about 6 -7 hours roundtrip). I have been feeling a lot of pressure from my parents to come visit them more often. I understand my family misses me, but there are two reasons we don’t frequent them as much. First, because we are pretty busy with school, and second, because we spend about $200-$300 per visit. Gas, dinners, and little gifts add up quickly. When I mention this to my mom, I just get a respond that money should not matter and should not keep me away from family. Plus, if we really need money, they could give me some. I don’t want my parents to give me money. I think that we are doing okay surviving on our own. Not to mention that my dad is currently between jobs, and my mom is working more hours. I just don’t know how to breach the subject with her. Every time I mention money, she turns it around on me, and makes it seem like all I care about is money and not family. I am also facing pressure from my family in Mexico to come visit them. Now that visit will be $1,000 (airplane + other expenses) just for me. I have mentioned to my grandparents that right now we are not in a position to spend, and we need to wait until we are more secure. My grandparents, who come from humble roots, also have offered to pay for me.
Some of you are probably wondering why I don’t take the money from my parents and grandparents. After all, we are only 21. But, I want us to be independent. How else are we supposed to grow up, unless we realize how to take care of ourselves?
It’s definitely a dilemma I will be dealing with the rest of my life. My parents want me to be independent, but they expect a behavior of a person who’s not smart with their money. It’s funny too, because my parents are always criticizing their relatives who financially support their older children. I have married cousins who have kids, and still live under the same roof as my uncle and aunts.
I have spoken to several people about what to do, but I am still at a loss. We are going to visit my parents this weekend, even though honestly we can’t afford it. We have already dipped into our savings this month! So, at what point is it okay to ignore the budget for family? Do you have any personal experience you could share?
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I think it’s good that you want to be independent and are independent. Love your blog of course!
Michelle, thanks! I really do want to be independent from both sets of parents.
What do your parents feel about video chatting? Would that help? More frequent phone calls, letters? Sorry you’re having to deal with this. It’s like you’re between a rock and a hard place.
Hi! Thanks for commenting first. I talk and video chat with my mom a couple of times a week. I usually talk to her 2-4 times a week, depending on my schedule. Each call is at least an hour. I love them, but to her it is not enough.
My mother’s side of the family was broken apart for this same reason. Her siblings and dad all moved far away and no one had the money (or were willing to set aside money for visits with family) to visit and maintain relationships. I only met my grandpa a handful of times before he died, as a result, and honestly I feel robbed that my mom placed money above this relationship. It sounds to me like you are already very independent and that accepting money to visit with your own family will not take away from that. It is a gift and if I were you I would humbly accept it as such. What will eventually be taken away are those relationships. I feel that family comes first and if you honestly feel the same way I bet you can figure something out to make it work. Also, why not invite them to visit you? If you are the one always needing to travel to be with your family that doesn’t sound fair. They should be making the same effort they expect you to make (although offering money, in my eyes, is making an effort to see you). I hope you find a solution you are happy with!
Hi J,
Thanks for your perspective! I don’t want to put money before family. I don’t. My greatest dilemma is frequency. For example, I visited my parents for a week and half in December, I went to see my parents February for a weekend, went to pick up my brother halfway for Spring Break in March (he spent a week with me), and just recently spend this past weekend with them. My family will come to visit me in May for graduation.
Like I said before, I cannot accept money from them. It’s not really because of my pride, but just circumstances. My parents don’t make that much money, and I feel guilty for taking their money when I know if I saved $$$ for a little more time, I could go visit them. It would just mean a little more time apart per visit. As far as my grandparents, a $1,000 is a lot of money for them! That’s probably 2-3 months of monthly expenses for them. I could not take money away from their livelihood.
I hope I explained myself enough…
It sounds to me like you are doing plenty and already know what is right for you, despite your expressed feeling of being at a loss :) I hope your family can come to terms with your situation and decisions and stop laying the pressure on you! Also, I know I don’t know you or your family, but it sounds to me that their wishes come from a place of love, even though it is causing you stress. Perhaps it will help to keep this the focus in your mind? And to make sure they feel your love back, even if not in the way they’d wished. I hope you can find peace of mind regarding this situation! <3
Hi J, thanks! I know they love me, which is why it stressed me out. I feel guilty. But, I know deep in my heart that it’s all I can handle for right now. I just have to come to terms with it. And somehow find a way to help my parents understand that I am growing up.
There’s a lot more to the situation than money too, Family ties are complex!
I should have mentioned that I do want to visit my grandparents and other family in Mexico. I just can’t make plans until I have a job offer and know when I’m going to start. Of course, I am trying to figure out how I am going to deal with the expense. I’ve thought about hitchhiking? JK
Hmmm…that’s a tough issue. Are you parents able to come and visit you? That way everyone can see each other, but you aren’t footing the cost, and your parents are technically not giving you money.
I definitely think it is better to be financially independent, and I think it’s awesome that you are trying to do so on a small salary
Hi Jessica! Thanks for commenting :)
They can. They usually do come visit me more often, but they have been dealing with some stuff back in their home town that makes it hard for them to get away. Plus, my apt is super tiny. Hard to fit them in here LOL. Plus, I think with school, I have discouraged them a little from coming. It’s hard for me to pay attention to them when I have to worry about a gazillion things for school. My parents are the type that expect full attention when in my presence.
What about if u split the cost. Since they’re offering to pay for the entire trip just take half and u foot the other half that way neither side goes completely in the hole from the visit?